The Only Person Awake in the World

As a kid, I would often lie awake in bed unable to fall sleep. A concerning thought visited me most nights:
“I am the only person in the world awake right now.”
As an adult, I know this isn’t how nighttime operates. Differing time zones mean that when it’s night where I am, there are people just starting their day at the same moment. People work at all hours. Being the sole person awake at any given time is a virtual impossibility.
When I was much younger and less wise, I had a more narrow understanding of the world. When my house was quiet and dark, and our street eerily quiet, the idea that I was the only person conscious felt intensely real. Additionally, I was experiencing the onset of a major anxiety disorder. The intrusive thought of being the only person awake felt very real and incredibly ominous.

During those nights when I would lie awake for hours and hours, my anxiety existed alongside deep loneliness. I felt that while everyone else in the world was sleeping, I was singularly forced to endure the darkness and quiet of nighttime. I felt dread creep up at bedtime that was all encompassing. I developed varied methods for easing the panic. I would beg my mom to keep the hallway lights on when my parents went to bed because having a light on in the house made it feel more alive. Listening to the radio…